Archive for 2010

Wham, Bam, Thank You Spam

Monday, December 13th, 2010

spam   I always try to look through my Spam folder before emptying it, because I don’t want to miss something important.  I learn a lot about myself by reading through these so called ‘junk emails’.  Apparently I need cheap prescription drugs, without a prescription, (who doesn’t?), and there are some pretty hot, available and bad spelling women in my area. It seems there are plenty of jobs out there and many legitimate firms are looking over my resume.  Also, I should go back to school, enhance a certain part of my anatomy and I suffer from E.D.. 
   It’s not all bad though.  I did win the European Lottery.

You’ve Got to Know When to Hold ‘Em

Saturday, November 20th, 2010

chimp_playing_poker_smoking When I gamble, I either have to win ‘it all’, or lose ‘it all’.  The problem is, winning it all is not easily recognized; whereas losing it all is extremely easy to recognize. 

Two times I remember winning money at a casino: Once, my wife dragged me out by the collar, up $500.  Another time, I had a mountain of green chips($25) in front of me, and was betting $300 on a pair of deuces.  I pushed, (didn’t lose or win), and decided that was enough.  I cashed out, clearing $2K after the room, food, trip etc.  That casino took care of me after that, until Katrina moved it across the street and turned it upside down. 

Here’s another prime example.  The other day, I decided to invest $10 in the Redneck Retirement Fund, (I bought a scratch-off lottery ticket).  I won $15, ($5 net gain).  That’s a 50% return on investment!  But, it’s only $5 on a ticket with a possible jackpot of $750,000!  So I spent $10 on something I needed and used the $5 winnings to buy another lottery ticket.  Boom!  I won $15 again!  Time to walk away, hmm?  Yes for some, not so much for me.  I bought another $10 ticket and 2, $1 tickets, ’cause I had a feeling, and then wisely kept $3 for that week’s coffee money.  I won $2 on one of the dollar tickets, breaking even, then moved on to the $10 ticket.  Whammo!!!  Big Winner for $50!  Now I’m up $55 on house money.  Time to walk away, right?   Well, there is this $20 ticket with 5 million and 1 million dollar jackpots, so why not take a chance and still walk away up $35?  So I cash my tickets in, get my $20 ticket, and the cashier gives me $42 change.  I hand him a $10 back, explaining that he gave me too much change and that being dishonest would probably kill my lucky streak. (In hindsight, the rational side of me knows that you should walk away when you are on a ‘lucky streak’, because the odds are now astronomically against you’re continued winning, but the gambling side of me…)

   Winner!  I matched one number out of a possible 25, so in my mind this prize is one of two things:  A ticket($20) or a jackpot. Of course it was only a ticket, but that’s okay.  I’m still up $55. I’ll cash the $20 in and get 2 more of the $10 tickets, but not at this store.

 New store=New odds!

I won’t go into details, but let’s just say things didn’t go quite as well at the new store.  I lost some, won less, lost some more, then lost ‘it all’.  See?  I never actually recognized the point when I won ‘it all’, but I damn sure knew the exact moment when I lost ‘it all’.  That $50 meant nothing to me, until it was gone.

(Side note: The only positive I can take from this is that I did get many, many chances at some huge jackpots for only $5 dollars; and that was house money anyway. The overall financial results were exactly the same as if I had never bought that first ticket.)

Live Singing Monkey

Sunday, September 19th, 2010

So, I tried out for this American Idol thing at Disney World and….

Thanks to my Bro-In-Law Fred, for recording and posting this on youtube…I’m trying to think of the best way to repay him.

Great American Beer Festival 2010-The Bandit and The Snowman

Friday, September 17th, 2010

   Apparently, there are going to be many examples of well made beers in Colorado this weekend, that are illegal in the state of Georgia.  We’ve got The Bandit and The Snowman headed that way.  When they get to Colorado, they’ll smuggle as many of these fine beers as they can, back to Georgia, in their gullets. 

   Semi-live and fully-drunken updates to follow.  These boys are in ‘Haht pussuit!‘ of some tasty beers!




Here’s an updated picture of our two heroes.  Side note:  This is not a gay porn site.  Repeat: This is not a gay porn site…Not that there’s anything wrong with that.


















Later on, things really got weird…


Terrapin Hopzilla

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

hopzillaHopzilla Imperial IPA-Side Project v.12
10.8% ABV
Terrapin Brewing Co.
Athens, GA (AKA God’s Country)

Color:  Iridescent, golden hue with crisp white foam.
Aroma:  Candied Pine sap.

How dare you question Terrapin’s ability to over-hop a beer!  At 110 IBU’s, the hoppy side of me is very happy, but at 10.8% ABV the malty side of me is happy for the crisp, malty support.  Nice, earthy bitter finish.  I think Terrapin took some heat from hopheads for Hopsecutioner, which I love, not being hoppy enough.  This behemoth should shut them up.  I bet there are thousands of Japanese running from this beer already!  This beer is up there with Lagunitas Hop Stoopid, Oskar Blues Gubna, and Harpoon Leviathan:  All super-hopped beers that seem really bitter at first, but halfway through your first one, you realize, thisisreallygoodbeer!!!

I appear to be losing the ability to type but, moral of the story:

 A. This is the lightest, coolest color, (seriously, the color is like a hologram! Freaky!), of any Imperial IPA I’ve ever had!

B.  There is plenty of hop goodness and complexity in this brew.

 C. This is really, really good beer, and I like you.  No, seriously,  I don’t say it enough.  You know<Hiccup!> I mean, you GET me.  YouknowwhatImean???

“Whoa…No!  I think I’m gonna throw…Throw up Hopzilla! Woo-oooo-ah”
(Sang in the style of Blue Oyster Cult‘s Godzilla, in case you didn’t get it.)

Just kidding, I would never waste a beer this delicious!

Seriously though, I only have one swallow left and I don’t want this beer to end.  Oh well, here goes…

9.75 Bananas

UGA 21st, Tech 17th…Seriously?

Thursday, August 12th, 2010


I just heard that another useless preseason poll, (please refer to 2008 preseason polls for proof), has ranked the Smellow Jackets ahead of the Mighty Bulldawgs.  Really???  How many of these ‘qualified’ voters would actually bet money that Georgia Tech will finish the season ranked higher than UGA?  And from that small percentage of voters, how many would put their money on Tech in the Georgia game at Sanford Stadium?  Obviously, if they are that much better than us, then they should have no issues dispensing with the poor, lowly Bulldawgs.  Right?
   Hey, I’m not knocking Tech.  They were triumphant over the mighty ACC last year and represented their conference in the Orange Bowl…Well, their name was on the scoreboard, but I’m not sure they actually showed up for the game.  I kind of liked Paul Johnson, when he first arrived at Tech, because he said what he thought.  But that whole Georgia Tech thing is starting to rub off on him, and the inferiority complex is starting to affect his way of thinking.  I hope he sets ‘beating Georgia’ as one of his ‘team goals’ this year.  I guess he’ll tell us after the game.



Thursday, August 12th, 2010

monkeyreadingI love reading a good book.  Stephen King is my favorite author.  I love the way his stories draw me in and transport me away to whatever world he’s made up this time.  The only problem is, the place I do all my reading.  I think it’s very common for people to read in this room.  It’s very private.  There are no distractions, so you can concentrate totally on whatever it is you’re reading at the time.  The downside is, it’s not very healthy to spend an hour or more, in this position.  So, I have been trying hard to find another place to read.  Finally, the other night, I was able to lay in bed, with the lamp on, and get totally immersed into a novel.  I actually finished the book!  Unfortunately, now I’m going to have to throw out the sheets.

Hard Hitting Palin Interview

Friday, June 25th, 2010

See the Live Talking Monkey!!!

Monday, June 21st, 2010


Thank you for stopping by to see the Live Talking Monkey!  Please scroll down to see the latest posts, check out the different pages up above, and if this is your first time here, click on one of the categories to the left to see some of my older posts, (the older posts are much better, the new stuff is all crap).  Leave a comment to let me know who you are and where you’re from.  If you see anything you like please pass it along, (email, Facebook, Carrier Pigeon, whatever!), and thanks again for stepping into my tent!

I’m, too Texty for this Car

Sunday, June 20th, 2010

Picture's real, speedometer's a little screwy.

   As of July 1st, 2010, it will be illegal to text while driving in Georgia.  No more texting while driving?!
I guess that’ll be the end of my texting!  That’s pretty much the only time I do text!  And how are the cops going to know that I’m texting…and not just emailing, or on the internet, or using Google maps, or writing a blog?  Next thing you know, all those things will be illegal too!
   All kidding aside, I usually don’t support any new laws that directly affect me, but I’m on board with this one.  Honestly, I know how dangerous this is, but I won’t stop doing it until I’m forced to, and a $150 fine is quite the deterrent.  I swear, I almost wreck every time I text while driving; and I think I’m pretty good at it!  I know there are people out there that are much worse drivers than me!  They should definitely not be texting and driving.  Woo, gotta go!  This traffic’s getting a little heavy.