Happy Birthday Monkey!


  Live Talking Monkey is officially one year old!  I’m not sure what the exact launch date was, kind of like Christmas.  Nobody can agree on exactly what the actual date was, when Santa Claus first delivered presents.  Anyway, I started the website around the 15th of June, 2009.  Thank you so much for coming here and reading some or all of my posts.  I hope they have been a pleasant break from reality.  For those of you that have read much of what I’ve put up here, you may not believe this, but there are many ideas that don’t actually make the cut.  That’s right, there are posts that I thought were not good enough for you to waste your valuable time reading.  So, to celebrate Live Talking Monkey’s 1st birthday, I thought I’d post some of those ideas that didn’t quite make the cut.  So here, go ahead and waste your valuable time, and read these.  Maybe it will make some of my other posts seem better?
Anyway, here they are, please enjoy…


>A response to  the question, “How hard is it?”
It’s harder than passing a motion in a boardroom full of horses.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but the neighs have it again!”


>In Olympic News, the I.O.C. has approved a new event; Ladder Stacking.

Mexico appears to be the hands on favorite. 


>I love dead people the most-Kurt Cobain, 1/2 the Beatles, many other Rock Stars, Pete, Hazel, W.N., Jesus, and many, many others.
The people that are alive, I take for granted.



>Noble drunks?

Do you ever notice in movies,  there is frequently a scene where the main character goes into a bar by himself, talks to other individuals, and it’s perfectly normal?  That’s not really acceptable in our current society.  And that’s not the first thing I think of, when I imagine an individual, by himself in a bar.  I used to work in a bar, and we always knew it was time to throw the loners out…When they started dancing alone.



>Real Magic
-Spooning with the one you love.
-Your daughter lying in the crook of your arm.
-A golf shot that feels like absolutely nothing.
-Making people laugh.



>Why do I wash my hands before leaving the restroom, when the SOB in front of me didn’t!




Math is not real.  It’s just a very precise language we use to quantify what is real in this world.

It’s kind of like real life. It’s all based on perception.  I never understood a friend of mine, that was a physics major, when he tried to tell me nothing really existed, if it wasn’t observed.  If a tree falls, blah, blah, blah.




>Iced Coffee

You ever leave a couple of sips in your coffee cup, forget about it for a while, then see it again and take a swallow?  How can it get that cold?  If I set a cup of water out on my desk, for a little while, it does not feel cold.  But that coffee seems ice cold!  I guess it’s kind of like taking a swallow of tea, thinking that it’s a Coke.



>I can’t stand days that end in why.




People who run stores that open at 11 AM are more likely to open a few minutes late, than people who run stores that open at 8 AM.  Go figure.



>Trick or Treat Limbo

I feel sorry for kids who are at that age when it’s not really cool to trick or treat anymore, but they’re not ready to give it up either.  You know, the ones that show up with no costume and say, “Can I have some candy?”

I try to give them a little extra, so when they get beaten up later, and have their candy taken…Maybe they’ll have a little bit left.



>Snowflakes are like fingerprints are like farts.




>I don’t know much, but…
A place named American Deli, is probably not owned by an American.



>Anyone else feel like their living underwater?
Ringo Starr glamourized a life aquatic in the song “Octopus’s Garden“, but let me tell you:  It ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.



>One of my favorite things to do is just lounge around in loose clothes, watch TV, and do nothing!  Due to this hobby, I don’t have any loose clothes left.



>American Idol

Producer: Alright, this show’s too good, we’ve got to stink it up a little bit.  Why don’t we do a group sing, with all the contestants, but prerecord it, and let them lip sync it!  Oh yeah, let’s add an extra judge. 

Will somebody please tell these kids on American Idol to quit listening to the judges and go with their heart!  You can’t make really good music by trying to make really good music.



>I have spent my whole life choosing my words carefully.  I don’t have many left.



>Why do we enjoy doing things that can kill us?
Are we trying to control our own destiny?  I’d hate to know I gave up drinking and tobacco only to get hit by a bus.  Nobody ever gives up crossing the street!
Death is certain, Life is not.


>I fear the Finnish people are coming to an end.



Whew, I’m glad that’s over!  Let’s get back to some decent content.

Thanks Again!!!

Talking Monkey Out.

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7 Comments to “Happy Birthday Monkey!”

  1. Beak says:

    Happy Birthday, Monkey

  2. Talking Monkey says:

    Thanks Beaker!

  3. Brian Mingus says:

    Happy birthday.

    For what it’s worth, my favorite of the ones that didn’t make the cut is the one about the iced coffee.

  4. Steve Rider says:

    Man, there are no cobwebs in your noggin! Great stuff. I love reading it. My favorite was the loose clothes one. I can relate to that the most. Happy birthday chimp!

  5. Diamond says:

    My wife gave me a massage using vaseline. Now I’m stuck on her.

  6. Talking Monkey says:

    Thanks Everybody!

    Diamond’s comment should tell you where I get it from.

  7. Steve says:

    Years will come and years will go but Beer and Monkeys will always be around.

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