Not a chance I’m willing to take.  Thanks, but I’ll shop around!

I may be too old to be a Rock Star.
    I may not even want to be a Rock Star anymore.  I would have to travel the world doing drugs and sleeping with groupies…I don’t even know if my wife would put up with that.  I mean, she supports me and all, but that may be a little too much to ask.
   And drugs.  I am scared to death to do any kind of drugs, other than acid reducers or the government approved, and heavily taxed, alcohol.

Marijuana-No thanks!  I’m paranoid enough, I can already lay around for hours doing nothing, I always have the munchies, and many times I giggle uncontrollably at inappropriate moments.  I still think it should be legal, though.

Crank-I’m fidgety enough, and I already have trouble sleeping.  Although, if you never eat, do you really need teeth?

Cocaine-I’m not rich enough.

Crack-I’m not creative enough to come up with an elaborate panhandling story.  I think crackheads should be put into sales positions.  If there is a rock at the end of every appointment, they would be the ultimate closers!

Heroin-NEEDLES!!!

LSD-Reality is tough enough without adding extra things that aren’t really there.  Let’s see, I can either…

I’ll go with A.

Ice-Nah, it makes my Coke flat.

Ecstasy-I’m not a very good ‘umph-umph-umph’ dancer, and I don’t even know where to buy glo-sticks.

I know there are many drugs I have left out, so I apologize to any junkies out there I may have offended.
 

Moral of the story:   If you’re gonna be a rock star, do it when you’re young.  Although, a beer gut does make it easier to see the strings on your guitar.
Keep on rockin’,
Talking Monkey

 Talking Monkey means many different things to me, and it can mean whatever you want to you.  For future reference, when I say monkey, I’m really talking about an ape, specifically a chimpanzee.  At least that’s what I see when I imagine the Talking Monkey.  Sometimes it is really hard to find anything on TV, but if I see something with a monkey in it I am hooked! (Fake monkey movies excluded, eg. person in a monkey suit). 

   These movie monkeys are always trained to exhibit human characteristics, and I freakin love it!  I don’t know why, but I do.  And I’m not alone!  I have spoken with many other males that share in this love for watching these human acting monkeys.  So whether you love monkey movies,  or you love somebody who loves monkey movies,  maybe you can relate.                               
   Another meaning has to do with evolution.  Since I am pretty sure that we evolved from the same ancient parents that monkeys did, (I know it’s really apes, but I like saying monkey),  then that’s all we really are, talking monkeys!  By the way, this is not up for debate.  If you believe that you didn’t evolve, then you are absolutely right.                                                                   
   My daughter’s first animal impersonation was a monkey.  Now she talks all the time, like her father, hence another talking monkey!                                           
   In this case though, I am the Talking Monkey.  So please visualize a chimpanzee sitting at a computer, pounding out these random thoughts just for you.  Talking monkeys are terrible at grammar so please don’t hold that against me.  Every once in a while, I may get frustrated and throw some feces at you through the bars, but please forgive me…I’m still a monkey after all! 

   This blog is a journey to self awareness, and I’m sure there will be many pitfalls along the way.  I am using this website as a way to raise capital for my dream job.   Hopefully I will start making money from advertisements.  I’ll never charge people to join, but I would like you to register just to keep up with who’s here..

I am far from knowing everything, so comments will be a very important part of this website and gratefully appreciated.  I value your opinions, corrections, etc.. These will enhance the usefulness of this site.  Please feel free to contact me at any time.

  Someday I will create and run the Talking Monkey Brewery.  Hopefully someday you will be holding a cool, refreshing and delicious, Talking Monkey Ol’ 73 and  think, “I made this journey with the Monkey”.  I hope that something, or lots of things from my journey helped you in yours, and maybe, just maybe, I entertained you a little along the way. 

Come on, let me buy you a banana.

Sincerely,                                                                                                                                  The Talking Monkey