I don’t know if it’s just me, or if it’s these bad economic times, but I’ve been seeing lots of dead possums on the roads lately.  Now I know you Yankees out there are screaming, “It’s Opossum, you silly rube!”.  Honestly though, the only time I’ve ever used that alternative pronunciation is when I took the lid off of  a trash can outside of my Stepbrother Eric’s house and yelled, “OhhhhPossum!!!”, just before I ran 18 miles through the woods. 
     Funny thing is, these passed possums’ faces I’ve been seeing, all looked like they were completely at peace.  It almost looked like they were smiling.  Now, I don’t know how many of you out there have ever had a run in with a possum, but one thing they are not, is ‘at peace’.
     When I was in elementary school, one of my classmates had a pet possum.  This was my first introduction to a marsupial.  Seems his pet possum had relations with a wild possum, (cause there’s a HUGE difference), and had a litter of baby possums. So my classmate asked, “You wanna see some baby possums, in their momma’s stomach?”.  Of course I couldn’t refuse.  So, after being bitten 78 times by his ‘pet’ possum, he stretched open her pouch and showed me her little nursing possumettes.  All redneck jokes aside, this was pretty amazing.  Especially when I responded ‘Yes’ to, “You wanna’ touch ’em?”
     Back before I became a pacifist, and retired from deer huntin’, I had a pretty strange experience in the woods.  It was a cold November morning, and I was in my deer stand about 30 mins. before dawn.  As light slowly worked it’s way into the woods, I saw this white-looking object moving through the woods.  I don’t really believe in ghosts, but at that time, I was pretty close to converting!  The specter kept getting closer and closer until it finally stopped about 50 yards in front of me.  It hovered there for a few minutes before finally taking off and floating up 70-100 feet up in the air in this strange zigzag pattern.  Then it just stopped and stayed in one place the rest of the morning.  I was happy, that whatever it was, hadn’t flown towards me, and I tried to remain as still as possible until the sun was up.  Surely a ghost would disappear in the daylight.  Not this one though.  When there was finally enough light for me to see, I focused in on the white blob, only to see a possum hanging upside down in a tree.  The zigzag flight pattern was the possum climbing the tree cork screw style!
     A buddy of mine told me a story one time,  about a possum he saw in the road.  He and another friend were riding down the road, late at night, when they saw something large in the road up ahead.  As they got closer they saw that it was a possum, sitting up on it’s hind-end, eating road kill.  My friends said when they got up close to the possibly cannibal possum, they couldn’t take their eyes off of him, sitting up and eating with his paws(hands), looking right back at them as they passed by.
Moral of the story, possums are evil, or at least they come across that way.  That hiss that they make when threatened, (which according to a possum, is every time they see man), is enough to scare anyone out of their shoes.  Possums always seem to have a look on their face that says, “I’m ’bout to eat yo ass alive!”.
Like I said though, these dead possums in the roads always seem to be smiling and at peace.  It must be a pretty rough world for a possum when the only relief comes from a tire zooming by at 60 MPH.  I’m not saying possums are purposely running out in front of cars, but I don’t think they are trying that hard to miss them, either.

Dear Coach Richt,
Please take it easy on Florida this coming Saturday.  They’re supposed to win it all and be the best team in the nation, but they’re really tired and possibly overrated.  The officials are on board, and are going to do all they can to keep Florida #1, but sometimes even that is not enough.  Sure, if Georgia upset Florida, it could salvage a disappointing season for the Dawgs, but think about the big picture.  We all need Florida to win out and play Alabama in the SEC Championship Game and then go on to win the National Championship.  Come on coach, think about Timmy and Urbie.  They deserve this, and who are you to take it away from them?  You can make it look interesting, but don’t actually beat our Gators.  If you play ball, we might let you win it all, sometime down the road.  Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Love,
MS

(Obviously, this letter is completely made up, by the monkey, to make fun of all the love flowing Florida’s way.  If this statement surprises you, you really should  never read again.   Again, this is not real, so please don’t sue me.)

Dank Tank VI
Wet Dream
7.5 % ABV
Sweetwater Brewing Co.
Atlanta, GA

So the guys at Sweetwater made this great beer and threw in lots of fresh-ass Chinook hops, straight off of the vine.  This is called wet hopping.  Most beers are made with dried hops, using wet hops brings in a more earthy, woody flavor.  This is a nice, malty red ale loaded with Chinook hops from the front to the middle to the back.  Great hop aroma up front, sweet and bitter first impression.  Woody hop flavor throughout with a piney, white pepper finish.  Delish!  This is a hop lover’s dream.

Saaalut!!!

9.2 Bananas

He’brew Jewbelation
Bar Mitzvah 13th Anniversary Ale
Shmaltz Brewing Co.
Saratoga Springs, NY
13% ABV

Dark brown to black with brownish tan head.
Big malty mess, chocolate and molasses aromas.

Mmmm!  If you like big malty beers with good hop balance, you’ll love this.  Sweet molasses, dark chocolate, with a lingering hop bitterness reminding you this is a beer.  I believe Yahweh had a hand in creating this one.  Go get yourself one!

L’Chaim!!!

9.75 Bananas

Recently, I took a much cherished visit to 5 Seasons Brewing Co. North.
I don’t get to go here very often, but when I do, it’s worth the wait!
Here are the beers I had…

Cask Aged Dark Star Licorice Stout-dark chocolate bitter, yeasty and nourishing.

Oktoberfest Lager-great hoppy marzen, loaded with malt and plenty of hops powering through.  This is the best of both worlds!

Big Red-smooth amber ale, kind of finishes like unsweetened tea.  Good Fall beer.

Amberliscious ESB-I used to be avoid Extra Special Bitters, until I started getting into hoppy- bitter beers.  To my surprise, ESB’s really aren’t that bitter, but they are usually pretty special.  This one is no exception.  Lots o’flavor, and it does actually finish with a good hop bitterness.  Earthy butterscotch with great hop finish.

Plan B IPA-2 years ago, I couldn’t have finished this beer.  Now I love it!  This is a freakin’ hop bomb!  Citrusy-Skunky,(in a good way), aroma. Sweet malt flavor mixed with grapefruit hops and hops and hops, with a bitter pine hop finish.  This beer could’ve carried itself from Britain to India!

Decadent Brown Ale-dark brown chocolate-nutty brown ale with plenty of hops breaking through.  This ain’t no Newcastle!  Deliciously Decadent-10 malts/10 hops, (Deca)= Mmm, mmm good.

Belgian Red– Bubble gum/candied apple with warming alcohol.  Probably shouldn’t have had the big brown before this one, still very good.

Alright, obviously all the beers were wonderful.  I recommend you get the sampler, so you can try all the draughts available.  I had Veal Bratwurst and Green Tomato Gyoza to eat, and they were both delicious.  Take a trip to Alpharetta, Sandy Springs or Atlanta.  It is a wonderful experience to try original, fresh, handcrafted beers, that you can’t get anywhere else.

It was a windy day, when I stopped in at our local Babies R’ Us.  Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I caught a flash of powder blue.  I looked up to see a rogue buggy, sneaking past my car.  As I looked around, I noticed they were everywhere!  These buggies were rolling around, trolling for their next victim.  I watched a lady pull into a parking space across from me, and take her time getting out of her new Four-Runner.  One of the buggies quickly pounced and popped the SUV in the front right quarter panel.  I tried to warn her, but it all happened too fast.  Hearing a whistling sound behind me, I spun around to see another light blue vandal, streaking across the lot.  As I panned my eyes to the right, in the direction the possessed buggy was heading, I noticed a brand new, shiny midnight black, special edition Mustang GT.  The owner had parked far enough away from all the other patrons to avoid the slightest ding from a careless driver’s errant door.  The buggies had something else in mind.  The car was way too far away for me to sprint to it’s rescue, so I had to watch, in horror, as the buggy slammed into the passenger’s side door hard.  Hard enough for the back wheels of the buggy to come off the ground and allow the rear end of the buggy to spin around, and give the mustang another scratching blow, adding insult to injury.  There were too many of these buggies and only one of me, so I did the only thing I could think of.  After making sure there weren’t any battering buggies within 100 yards of my car, I headed into the store to report the situation.  I spoke with the first associate I could find and told her of the mayhem taking place, right outside those giant glass doors, she was sitting directly in front of.  Having performed my good Samaritan duties, I went to the back of the store to pick up my daughter’s diapers.  After checking out, I walked back through the doors, to the parking lot.  To my horror, I saw the buggies were still roaming around, wreaking havoc!  The buggies must have gotten to the associates first!

“Tom, I’ve seen your track record and I know what kind of person you are.  Of course I voted for you.  I don’t know what it is, but we just can’t convince the other voters.  Something seems to be holding you back, but I just can’t put my finger on it…”

Gordon Biersch Variety Pack,

Gordon Biersch Brewing Co.
San Jose, CA

Alright, this is a gateway mix for those of you still drinking mass produced American Lagers.  This is also a fine group of well made craft beers! If you see this mix-pack, buy it!  There is a delicious Festbeer and Marzen, a well balanced and hoppy Czech Style Pilsner, and a hefty, sweet, Blonde Bock.
They are all good, and would be great for an Oktoberfest party.  These beers are all excellent examples of their style and you will impress beer geeks and casual beer drinkers at the same time.  One of the best variety packs I have ever purchased. You won’t be disappointed.

Saaalut!!!

9.4 bananas!

Dirty Bastard
Scotch Style Ale
8.5% ABV
Founders Brewing Co.
Grand Rapids, MI

Dark brown color, opaque.
Super malty aroma, burnt caramel?

He’s a Wee Heavy!  It’s like sipping Scotch, but it’s a beer!  Super malty with a hop kick, peaty finish.  Taste a little tea, coffee and dark chocolate in there. Good beer.  I wish they sold Founders in Georgia, had to buy this one in N.C.  Love it!

Saaalut!!!

9 bananas!

Warrior IPA
Left Hand Brewing Co.
Longmont, CO

Great copper color.
Not a lot of hoppy aroma, but it’s there.  I am cooking chili, so maybe my sense of smell is a little muted.  Okay, tried again and there is a great piney hop aroma.  Maybe I should just say:  Beer good or beer bad.  Beer good. 

 This beer really shoots down the walls of heartache…bang, bang.
Clean Cascadey, (minty, fresh air, light citrus),  start with strong, pine hoppy, lasting bitter finish.  Plenty of malt to back up all these hops, a very good American IPA.  If you lika’ de hops, you’ll lika’ de Warrior. 

Saaalut!!!

8.420 bananas!